This week it came to my attention that we have some BALMers who are wondering about the family’s role in their loved one’s recovery, so I thought I would write a bit about it to clarify the BALM® approach. This is actually a core issue for us in the BALM® so please read on.
The BALM® is a two prong approach:
- Get Your Life Back
- Help Your Loved One Get Their Life Back.
It’s not mainly about getting your life back and that’s how you will help them – though that Alanon concept, noble and useful, is part of the solution.
It is not about just helping them and ignoring your own well being “because there is no time for self care” – though sometimes helping your loved one does come to the front burner, even before self care.
Most of the time, we are looking at dual priorities though.
So, how does it work?
Family members are so often traumatized by what the Substance Use Disorder is doing do their loved one that peace of mind and a life of their own is the last thing on their mind. Rather, upset, agitation, complete obsession with fixing it; these are the emotions and thoughts filling their hearts and minds.
So the BALM® comes along and says you have a role to play in helping your loved one (principle 1) and here’s what you must know:
- It starts with understanding how change happens (principle 2) in your life and your loved one’s life
- Then work on getting calm. Develop daily practices to calm yourself so you can let go of the constant inner turmoil and think clearly. (principle 3) On that basis, learn what really has the potential to help your loved one get well and do only that.
- Next, understand that you CAN be their BEST chance at recovery and the path to it is about getting OUT of denial and into awareness; out of enabling and into helping. (We have a slightly different definition of enabling and helping but we will talk about that on a different day)
What makes BALM® unique is that we have this dual emphasis on getting your life back and helping your loved one. While it is true that sometimes we are not very useful to the helping process when we are so upset, these days, especially with the opioid epidemic, there is not time to go on a mountain and calm down for a year or two.
So, we integrate the processes of:
- Get Calm
- See the facts of what is occurring (just the facts)
- Deal with your emotions
with learning how to have powerful, loving, factual conversations with our loved one in a way that goes from our heart to theirs.
A dedicated family member can learn how to get their life back and help their loved one almost simultaneously.
If you say, “I have no time,” what does that mean?
If your child or spouse had cancer or a heart condition, would you find the time to do what could help?
This can help.
Don’t put it off.
Please don’t misconstrue it.
It is not about taking care of you while they figure out their path.
It is not about helping them and allowing yourself to drop over.
You can be their BEST chance!
We provide you with information, transformation and support to help you ‘do’ BALM® family recovery POWERFULLY.
Click here and we will help you get started!
Join us tonight for an interview with Donny Sutton Brown, BALM® Coach and Interventionist, who will share his own recovery journey and answer your questions about interventions and how you can be your loved one’s BEST chance!