So, what is this loving approach and how can it help you?
After years of being told that your loved one is not worth it, they are just a drug addict hurting the family, and just not buying it, you may want to look at this approach. It all starts with the BALM 7 C’s:
- You didn’t cause your loved one’s substance use disorder (SUD).
- You can’t control their SUD.
- You can’t cure their SUD.
- You CAN contribute to their recovery.
- You are connected to your loved one on a level deeper than their SUD.
- You CAN learn to communicate with your loved one.
- You are always at choice.
The first three (originally adapted from Alanon), are designed to help you see that their malady is not your fault, nor is it something you can manipulate them out of or fix.
Upon hearing this, you may just want to forget about it and them – to give up.
In Alanon, I learned I didn’t have to contribute to the addiction, and that picqued my curiosity. I wasn’t learning how to make that difference in any way other than minding my own business though. So, I began studying and putting the pieces together. The result of all that study and living in recovery was the Be A Loving Mirror Method of Family Recovery.
In BALM, we teach you how you can actually contribute to their recovery instead. The entire program is based on this idea that you CAN make a difference first in your own life, then in the life of your family and potentially in your using loved one’s life. Of course we do not promise your loved one will get well if you do the BALM.
At the same time, again and again we see families helping awaken their loved one to the idea of recovery through the variety of tools and tips learned and practiced in the BALM program.
Foundational to a family’s willingness to pursue the learning and practice necessary to contribute to a loved one’s recovery, can be the perspective offered by the 5th, 6th, and 7th C’s.
The 5th C: You are connected to your loved one on a level that transcends their SUD.
After years of being asked by others, “What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you just kick him/her out?” and yet knowing that your connection goes deeper than the behavior you are seeing in active addiction, you may be ready to understand that you care because of that connection and owe no apologies for the love you feel. At the same time, you may not know how to help and so you feel vulnerable to other’s accusations.
Now with the BALM, you know you will not be accused of being bad or wrong for loving someone, and you become curious about what that will mean going forward. You may be wondering what you can do to help.
The 6th C: You CAN learn to communicate effectively with your loved one.
Oh. So there is a BALM (Be A Loving Mirror) way of communicating. Now that you know that you can breathe again. Until now you may have been trying to find words to say and how to listen to them without exploding. And in BALM you will.
The 7th C: You are always at choice.
This idea is so soothing and freeing. You are going to learn so much about how to get YOUR life back and how to help your loved one and yet, it is totally up to you what you will do with it.
If this program sounds like something that could be useful to you, come to the final free support call this Saturday night to learn more about 7 C’s and how BALMers are using them to bring recovery into their own and their families’ lives! To join us, click here to register, and even if you cannot make it, we will send you a recording of this and all 8 of the free calls on the 7 C’s!